you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
