I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
