I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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