did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
PANTIES FOUND
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