Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
