I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
