He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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