I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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