ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
