For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
