i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
