I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
