While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
