Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
