Your face is a jimmy john
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
