I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
