my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
