When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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