Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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