remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
