The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
