is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
