U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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