took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Floor bacon is actually really good
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