So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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