My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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