He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
