every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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