i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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