Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
