Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
