at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
