I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
