He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
