i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
