so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
