Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
