We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
