Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm just crazy horny about you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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