that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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