They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
