4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
