What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
