His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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