She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize