Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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