She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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