so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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