his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
