Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
