she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
