Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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