false alarm. still invincible.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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