yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My penis needs a shock collar
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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