Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In other news, I just burned my penis
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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