Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
