I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
