I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
