You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize