I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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