So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sext me about skeletons
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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