I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
