Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
