I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
