my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize