you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
