I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
