If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
