When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize