I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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