She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
